so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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