I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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