My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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