He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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