Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
