Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize