Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point đź’ś
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
