Where is the hickey?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
