if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
