I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
