I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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