Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
