We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
