About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
