I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
