Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
