We named our party play list daddy issues
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
