marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
