Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
