like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
