Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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