My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
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The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
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So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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