so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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