can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just invented taco cereal.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
