i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
