We're like a lot better than the average bears
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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