And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
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I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
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We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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