Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
pray to the hookup gods
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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