If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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