Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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