i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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