there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
