Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
