Four minutes until I can fart!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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