chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
