ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
