The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
