oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
