I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
