Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
