so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
