Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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