12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
