Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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