you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
