I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
