Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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