I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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