you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize