What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
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I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
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Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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