look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
