I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
