For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
