I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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