I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
