I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
