Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
