I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
