Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
