also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
