i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
