did you get engaged???
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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